Utah Mormons and Marriage: An Official Categorization of the Crazies.

For those of you haven’t been a female LDS college student in the state of Utah, let me fill you in on the different categories of girls in this situation we have:

CATEGORY 1: THE “MUST GET MARRIED ASAP” GIRL

Now, there are several sub-categories within this category:

1A: The “All the good ones are going to be taken!” girl

This is not Black Friday, ladies. They are not a limited-time offer. In fact, there are new males being created EVERY. SINGLE. DAY.

1B: The “College is for getting married, and if I don’t get married, I will be a complete failure” girl

Just… no. Singles wards may be for getting married (and learning about the gospel and growing as an individual and all that good stuff… but mostly because they want us to fall in love with a buddy since they’re pretty key to salvation), but COLLEGE is for getting an education. Sometimes you happen to bump into your eternal companion along the way, but that is definitely NOT the purpose of getting your education.

1C: The baby hungry girl

For some reason, some girls think they have to get started having babies RIGHT NOW, because… I don’t know… they think they’re running low on eggs or something??? I don’t quite get this one. Motherly instincts? Yes. Urgent? No.

1D: The “This is a competition and I WILL WIN.” girl:

Youngest to get married wins! Right?? Because clearly that means you’re the best catch, right? Just like the number of guys you’ve kissed is a direct indicator of your worth as an individual, right???? Oh wait… that’s not right…

1E: The “I can’t be happy unless I’m married or in a relationship that I think is going to lead to marriage girl

Pull yourselves together, ladies! Pity parties do not bring all the boys to your yard (and neither do milkshakes, unfortunately). Repeat after Jamie Lee Curtis: “I am a strong, independent woman, and I don’t need a man to complete me.” (Real talk: Your happiness should not be dependent on another human being. Remember the “Forget Me Not” talk Elder Uchtdorf gave back in 2011? The whole talk is fantastic, but my favorite part is the 3rd section he talks about, “Forget not to be happy now”. Seriously. Just be happy. It’s possible, even if you’re single, I promise. I’ve been doing it for quite a while now and life is still great.)

1F: The I’m not getting any younger” girl

If you’re a typical college-age girl, this should definitely not be a reason to start extensive husband-hunting. 21 is not nearing expiration by any means, I promise.

1G: The girl who just really really wants to be in love

You all the know the type I’m referring to. Falls for any guy interested, HAS to constantly be in a relationship, always “in love” right from the get go…. etc. etc. etc.

CATEGORY 2: THE “MUST PUT OFF MARRIAGE AS LONG AS POSSIBLE” GIRL

2A: The “I’m going to be a career woman” girl

Which is fine in some ways… but don’t dis on stay-at-home moms while you’re talking about all your career goals. And don’t put off marriage because you think it will mess with your career – from what I hear it’s totally worth it!

2b: The “people who get married before they graduate college are IDIOTS” girl

Ahahahahem: “May I assure you that there is no shame in a couple having to scrimp and save. It is generally during those challenging times that you will grow closer together as you learn to sacrifice and make difficult decisions.” -Thomas S. Monson Would most of us prefer to get married when we’re financially stable so that it will be less stressful? CHYEAH. Does that mean we should avoid love and marriage at all costs until we are? NOOOO.

3B: The “I have things to do first” girl

We all know those girls who have a bucket list that would require approximately $1,000,000,000 dollars and 80 straight years of traveling to accomplish… and also believe that a “bucket list” is a list of things that must be done before you get married. Well have I got news for them… Marriage is actually NOT synonymous with death. So a bucket list can be worked on even after you’re married.

In summary:  Most girls my age are either dreading marriage and thinking everyone who is married is insane, or they are husband hunting.  And when I say hunting… I mean HUNTING.  It gets a little out of control sometimes.

So let’s all agree to chill out, let cupid do his thing, and marry who we feel is right, when we feel it’s right.

***This post was originally published on tianamariec.blogspot.com under the title “Crazies and Marriage”

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